It's Almost Normal Looking Mansion on Phoenix Way, Saturday Morning

[justlurkinghere]

Derek was still laying on the couch, on his stomach thank you, watching bad television this morning. His back was almost at 100%, but for now he was going to enjoy the wonder of having a place to recuperate that wasn't abandoned or looking like someone might build a meth lab there any moment now.

It was almost novel!

Now he just had to avoid Stiles until he could move normally again.

[[Open, of course!]]

Comments

[justlurkinghere]

"I'm not staining my pants," Derek replied, taking one of the pizza boxes as soon as Stiles was in reach. Watch him put competitive eaters to shame!

[robinonadderall]

"Pizza stains come out," Stiles said, throwing a couple of napkins at Derek before sitting back down on the couch with his own pizza. "Don't forget to chew."

Pretty hypocritical advice from the guy who could inhale a box of curly fries in under a minute.

[justlurkinghere]

Shut up and let him wallow in his shaaaaaaaame.

"Ha ha," Derek said between slices. "See if I buy you pizza again."

He would. Because he was a sugar daddy.

[robinonadderall]

He really was, and Stiles knew it.

"I'm just worried about your health," Stiles said, leaning down to give Puppy Joe a pepperoni. "Not sure if I remember how to give the Heimlich."

[justlurkinghere]

Just don't let anyone else know. It was a secret.

"It doesn't look difficult. Not even you get it wrong."

Derek would probably screw it up, though. So. You know.

[robinonadderall]

"Maybe I'd just hit you in the stomach a few times to see if that makes you cough up the half a pizza you decided to eat in less than a minute." Okay, he was exaggerating. But only slightly.

[justlurkinghere]

Derek oh so maturely flipped him off as he folded another slice in half to eat. "I'm healing."

[robinonadderall]

"Excuses, excuses," Stiles said, tossing his still mostly-full pizza box on the table before settling back against the couch cushions again. "Just admit you're a pig."

[justlurkinghere]

Hey! Have you seen his abs?

"Pretty sure I'm a werewolf, actually."

[robinonadderall]

Yes, he has seen your abs, Derek. He just works hard not to think about them.

"Pretty sure you're a douche," Stiles responded oh-so-maturely. "You can eat the rest of my pizza if you want, just keep your paws off the ones in the kitchen."

Ha, paws.

[justlurkinghere]

"Cute," Derek sneered, abandoning his empty box for the rest of Stiles'. "Do you practice those?"

[robinonadderall]

"No, they just come to me," Stiles said. "Impressed?"

[justlurkinghere]

"I can hardly contain myself."

[robinonadderall]

"I can't believe some people think you don't have a sense of humor," Stiles said, shaking his head. "It's a shame, they don't know what they're missing."

[justlurkinghere]

Well, he was pretty enough to make up for that with people, no doubt.

Derek snorted, settling on the couch now that there was no more pizza in sight. Soon the hunger would return, though. Soon. "Jack knows. Kitty." Sure, sometimes they didn't realize he was joking. But still.

"You. Though the other you probably thinks I eat puppies."

He didnt, by the way.

[robinonadderall]

Stiles rolled his eyes. "The first few months I knew you were filled with you popping up at random times to either glare at me or bleed in my jeep, it wasn't the greatest first impression."

[justlurkinghere]

"We'll, it's not like I have many options there," Derek grumbled, trying to find a comfortable position on the couch.

[robinonadderall]

"You could stop with the mysterious creepy guy act and use full sentences to tell people what you want," Stiles suggested. "Stop squirming and pick a spot."

[justlurkinghere]

"Yeah, because that has worked so well in the past," Derek replied, glaring at him before lowering himself back to see how bad it would be if he laid down on his back. Actually, not as bad as he'd expected. Because your gentle words healed him, Stiiiiiiiles.

[robinonadderall]

"Hey, it worked with me sometimes. Although the other you's reverted back to the violent grumpy guy thing recently," Stiles said, eyeing Derek to look for any serious looks of pain. "He nearly broke my hand a couple weeks ago."

Stiles, that was because you were unintentionally using fisting innuendos on him.

[justlurkinghere]

Yeah, that'll do it.

"Were you being an idiot?" he asked with a small grunt of pain as he shifted to see the television.

[robinonadderall]

"I misjudged his punching abilities," Stiles said and left it at that. For one thing, he didn't want to get into the bank vault scenario. For another, the shifting was really annoying.

"For fuck's sake," Stiles said. "Do you need help?"

[justlurkinghere]

"No." Probably. "Just move over some more."

[robinonadderall]

Stiles sighed because he literally could not move over anymore; he was so close to the arm of the couch he practically knew it in the biblical sense at this point. But he didn't really feel like moving. For reasons.

So instead he grabbed Derek's legs and gently pulled until they were over his lap. "Better?"

[justlurkinghere]

Derek made the confused eyebrows at him for a moment to make sure this wasn't some weird wolfsbane hallucination. Then settled back, much more comfortable than before. "Not afraid of getting kicked, I take it."